BREAKING NEWS: Solar Flare Answered With Satire

By: Eowyn Weiss

At approximately three in the afternoon today a solar flare hit earth, disrupting government communication, and threatening national and world-wide security.  The Senate Energy and Natural Resources Committee was tasked with responding to this calamity, yet the suggested bills were referred to by several representatives as “unserious” and “really funny.” For example, Maine Senator Angus King, one of the first to speak after the news of the flare reached congress, suggested the imposition of Martial Law.  Alaska Senator Lisa Ann Murkowski will be presenting a bill that would build a massive wall of solar panels around the sun itself with “one singular USB cord” direct to the USA.  “No other countries can grow plants,” Murkowski announced, before Oregon Ron Wyden suggested they “freeze and seize” all foreign assets in the United States to fund this bill.  

The people are confused, the government is a laughingstock, and all the while our foreign adversaries have the perfect opportunity to attack America during this fragile state of near-chaos.  No serious bills are being presented, there are no governmental fallbacks kicking in, and all senators declined to comment on this hectic and disastrous national emergency.

Deepfakes seem terrifying. But free will still exists.

By: Abby McGuire 

“The only thing that separates America from communist China is that we have freedom.” 

These were the words spurted out by Mark Zuckerberg while speaking to the Senate Judiciary Committee on February 21st. And it seems that he is determined to utilize that freedom–no matter if it means crossing the ethical boundaries within the media. 

During his speech, he maintained his position that deepfakes were the future and that Meta is working to create safe, accessible deepfakes. However, he never elaborated on how Meta would do this and create equitable use of deepfakes. That’s because Meta doesn’t have a plan, and not even concepts of a plan, to create a safe, non-infringing way to use deepfakes– and it never will. By their very design, deepfakes are able to infiltrate all parts of society, from courtrooms to classrooms. There can never be a safe way to use deepfakes in social media because there is no good reason to use them–the intention to create them is either driven by laziness, a “funny” joke, or explicit imagery. 

Let’s not be confused by his happy gestures and optimistic tone. Zuckerberg has clearly abandoned ethics for political and economic gain. 

Meta’s overconfident embrace of deepfakes is indicative of a deeper problem within American media. This issue is a clear example of how political polarization has been infiltrating companies at an astonishing rate. In order to please the increasingly conservative legislature/executive branch, Zuckerberg deemed it appropriate to remove the AI fact-checkers from Meta’s platform. Conservatives, and now Zuckerberg, “realized” that these fact checkers were biased towards conservative media and were part of a liberal effort to debunk their (conservative) news. 

However, the removal of these fact-checkers has made it possible for deepfakes and other AI-generated content to be more persuasive and trick viewers into believing that this imagined fantasy was reality. 

But this was only the beginning. 

Now, instead of simple toleration, Meta has graduated to full-on immersion, promoting deepfakes as the future of tech. Call me a pessimist, but to me, this seems like the beginning of a story I don’t want to finish.

“Social media prospers best when not infringed upon by the federal government,” Zuckerberg said. But what happens when the social media app decides that it’s time to slowly turn the tide towards a certain political party? Well, it seems like we are the audience and Meta is screaming on the stage. 

Is there a solution? Obviously. 

Media consumption is a conscious choice that is continually made by every single person on Earth. American citizens should just get their phones superglued to their palms because they never leave their hands.

But our hands aren’t superglued, and no matter what conspiracy theorists may say, there are no microchips buried in our brain tissue. We still have free will, and the ability to be our own actors and use it. So, what’s the solution to an increasingly toxic media environment? Simply turn off your phone. Power off your laptop. Take a break from watching broadcast news. Sign out (and even dare to delete apps) when you see the polarization happening before your eyes. When faced with intimidating political news that seems untrue- read an actual article by an accredited journalist. As long as the American public makes a conscious decision to be an informed citizen body, I am sure we can ride the tide of deepfakes. 

James Comer says “Woke is a joke” and believes that the Department of Education should be completely defunded.

By: Malie Hale and Kenyerlin Ng

The M.A.G.A. Make Agriculture Great Again bill is a farmer relief policy that failed this afternoon. This Act intended to take one billion dollars from the Department of Education for funding. James Comers, member of the House of Representatives for Kentucky's first district, said “Woke is a joke” in reference to school education culture that he believes is turning children against the U.S.A. 

This bill offers a solution for American farmers who are financially struggling to keep their businesses strong. On February 21st, during the first session held in the House Committee of Agriculture, co-sponsors, Monica De La Cruz representing Texas's 15th district, Kat Cammack representing Florida’s 3rd district, Join Rose representing Tennessee’s 6th district, Trent Kelly Mississippi’s 1st district, and Mike Bost representing Illinois’s 12th district, founded the M.A.G.A bill to ensure that farmers have a program to fund their land during a business decline to protect from bankruptcy. The bill will establish a new farmer relief committee that will consist of 35 bipartisan members and will combine with the bipartisan Rural Health Caucus. The farmers will need to submit individual applications and the committee members will deliberate on applications and determine the amount of aid assigned to each farmer, which cannot exceed $5,000. The amount will need to be reevaluated every month. 

Farmers will only be able to apply for financial aid if their land has been declared under a state of emergency by the president or are present in a disaster area that was determined under FEMA. To continue with the application, American farmers must qualify under the financial regulations - businesses must earn less than $100,000 per year. In addition, the policy will provide online education resources for farmers on topics related to financial literacy and agriculture.

The sponsors of the bill planned to defund 1 billion dollars from the D.O.E. Controversy struck within the walls of Constitution A, where multiple amendments were motioned to re-establish the funding. Democratic House representatives quickly tried to balance the funding from multiple branches, where they successfully received $300 million from the USDA and 700 million dollars from the D.O.E. Unlike the others, James Comer, Kentucky-01, motioned for the bill to receive $10 billion from the D.O.E. Mr. Comer stated that “desperate times call for desperate measures” when defending the extreme amount of cash he believes should be transferred from D.O.E to M.A.G.A. In an interview, he confirmed his strong beliefs: 

Kenyerlin - So you say woke culture is..?

James Comer - Terrible for our education system, it’s destroying it.

Kenyerlin - What aspects of the education system do you disagree with?

James Comer - Just a lot of things going on. Kids in urban schools and rural schools are getting bad ideas about American history. We need to promote patriotism, we need to make sure these kids know America is perfect and America is great. It has very little flaws, and the flaws that it has are all very solvable. I just want the kids to know that they're growing up in one of the greatest countries in the world, if not the greatest.

Although Mr. Comer was persistent on adding more funding, the House was quick to claim it as unfriendly. Ultimately, with a divided vote, the bill failed with a final count of 21 - 36. Many representatives felt that the bill was unfair towards the D.O.E. and lacked foundation. The M.A.G.A. bill unsuccessfully passed the House of Agriculture.   

Impending Bill: All Around GAME (Great Affordability Made for Education)

By: Charlotte Ferriolo and Tara Nyima

Did you know that over the past three years 43.6 million people struggled to repay student loan debt? These loans represent an impediment towards reaching one's highest potential. Many students work extremely hard to receive acceptance into prestigious universities, such as Harvard, Princeton, Yale, etc... However, upon their acceptance letters, reality hits them. The reality being, prestigious universities typically cost an extravagant sum of money. Some take the financial risk, but later are forced to drop out due to financial pressure.

So, what can be done to remedy this crisis in education finance? Well, All Around GAME ((Great Affordability Made for Education) was created to tackle many of the issues students are facing to go to college. As they are currently working on passing their bill, they hope to expand to higher education through additional support in different ways.Their main focuses are: mandatory financial literacy education, expansion of financial aid and scholarships, and a student loan reliance program. The mandatory financial literacy education hopes by the year 2029, all public high schools shall require a half-credit financial course with an emphasis on college saving methods. The expansion of financial aid and scholarships involves an increase of 15 percent towards the Expected Family Contribution (EFC) threshold for Pell Grants (Federal Student Aid). From this, they estimate around an increase of 1 million prospective students to quality. As for a student loan reliance program, the bill aims to cover lowering federal loans at lower rates and a greater establishment of a college fund program. 

As stated by Natalie Hefka, one of the authors of the bill, “These are the times where students are faced with the most stress. This bill is the right step into not only aiding students regarding their education, but it dispels the stress of student loans”. This shows many students, especially those who are teenagers, already deal with much stress regarding different aspects of life. Such as the stress of maintaining good grades, maintaining a good social life, participating in athletic programs, clubs, tests, and managing all of these factors along with more depending on one’s situation. So, the pressure of college tuition is expected to be alleviated according to the authors of the bill. 

Bibbity-Bobbity-Buffoon--The Government Lies Again

By: Eowyn Weiss

The world was turned upside down today when the existence of magic was revealed to the media and the non-wizarding world. During a media meeting today, the daughter of the President Donald J. Trump of the United States of America burst into the conference with a startling admonition-- wizards exist, she had escaped incarceration within the wizarding world, and the federal government was aware the whole time.

At a press conference with the Board of Magic, a startling lineup that included the Head of Magical Law Enforcement, the Minister of Magic, the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom, and the President of the United States of America, it was revealed to the public that wizards are real, as seen in the popular series Harry Potter

“This is not a cult,” said Fredrick Wiggletoad, Minister of Magic for the wizarding world, before adding“Non magic users find it hard to believe that they are lesser beings.” In a private interview, Mister Wiggletoad informed the press that the Ministry “will not disclose information concerning any operations within the organization.”

Another interview featured Head of Magical Law Enforcement Franny Fitzgibbons, whose job involves “protecting the wizarding area at all costs.” Ms Fitzgibbons declined to comment on the blatant disregard for the non-magic users, saying that they are “not my concern.”

Information is sparse, but some additional facts that were secured during the press conference include the desire on the part of the President to not allow magic to impact the economy; another important piece of information includes the fact that the word “Muggle” is now considered a slur among the wizarding community. Additionally, integration of goblin and other magical creatures into the society of non-magic-users remains a top priority for the governments of the United Kingdom, United States, and France, just a few of the countries represented at the press conference today.

Breaking News: Is President Trump in Danger?

By: Payton Blake, Liz Hoegel, Aarohi Desai, Lilly Kupersmit

This morning, at 9:55 AM E.T., President Trump’s daughter was kidnapped by Wizards. While the whereabouts of his daughter are still unknown, the wizards responsible held a press conference with President Trump in attendance.

The wizards claimed to want to enforce an integration of wizards into the non-magicworld; they wanted to work with multiple government officials to provide a smooth integration of the wizarding and non-wizarding communities. The wizard representatives vowed for a safe integration, yet altercations have already occurred. In fact—as mentioned previously—a woman claimed to be in a wizard motivated attack. Her encounters with dark magic brings forth the crucial question: Are wizards a threat to society and the human race as a whole?

In a private interview with Donald Trump, he expressed only mild concern for his safety. When asked about his basic freedom of movement, Trump claimed that he “was basically being held hostage,” but “it was okay because…[he] was here for his daughter.” 

Furthermore, when asked specifically about the wizards in attendance and their actions, Trump deflected. Despite the Wizarding Minister of the Ministry of Magic claiming that non-wizarding persons or “muggles” were “lesser-abled and lesser-people,” Trump assumed that he “ate bad sushi or something.”  Following this response, Trump was asked to “blink twice if he was in danger.” Trump followed with two sequential blinks.

When asked about the troubles of fostering cooperation between the two groups, Adrian Prewett, the Wizarding Minister of Foreign Affairs and Elias Moosk, the CEO of Nimbus Brooms, the leading company for wizard broom production, quickly agreed that the President was the most difficult world leader to work with. 

Prewett additionally revealed that the “President has his troubles with his strong opinions.” Such opinions directly conflict with Prewett and Moosk’s intent to “set a narrative for the media”, silencing human voices. 

Despite their responses, both parties—wizard-born and non-magic users—seemed in good spirits when the press-conference ended. President Trump left with a smile on his face and the wizards followed in suit, performing as a united front despite the clear internal struggles presented from both sides.

Curse Culture: Moosk Against Integration

Written by: Endurance Nkeh 

On February 22, 2025, the world learned that wizards are real. During a press conference held by the media team of journalists, it was revealed that the President of the United States, Donald J. Trump, has been working with the wizarding world for years. 

In an exclusive interview with wizard Elias Moosk, CEO of Nimbus Brooms, the number one (electric) broom company in the wizarding world, Moosk revealed his feelings about the hate he has received since talks of integration started. Moosk has received hateful tweets from thousands of people online regarding his views on anti-integration. Cancel culture has somehow made its way into the wizarding world and has become a curse culture to figures like CEO Moosk. Unlike his fellow wizards and the President of the U.S., Moosk believes that the wizard and non-wizarding worlds must remain separate. He is a businessman who is thinking of the welfare of his company. Moosk believes that if the wizard and nonwizard worlds come together, his business will suffer because “Muggles don’t know how to use cars, much less brooms.” Moosk uses this derogatory and offensive word to express his strong belief against nonwizards purchasing from his company. According to the wizard Elena Norbert, “muggle is the racist, fascist way to call non-wizarding humans.”

As a businessman, Moosk seems to be thinking about his desires rather than the welfare of his company.  With non-wizards aware of the existence of the magic world, Moosk’s business would grow as non-wizarding individuals become eager to fly, and yet his personal views on non-wizarding humans would paradoxically hinder his company’s growth. Moosk expressed interest in collaborating with members of the Presidential Cabinet and CEO of Tesla, Elon Musk. “I would love to, that is my idol,” says Moosk. Moosk also stated that he would not oppose integration if it was an absolute last resort. Despite these new developments, pressing questions remain: What are the intentions of the wizards? Why are they just now speaking up about their existence? Will Elon Musk partner with Elias Moosk? 

DNC winners and losers

By: Pryor Arnold and Warren Smith

Thursday night, the democratic national committee voted to confirm Pennsylvania Governor Josh Shapiro as their 2028 nominee for president of the United States. Beating out Michigan governor Gretchen Whitmer, Former Vice President Kamala Harris, and Maryland governor Wes Moore. The election came down to a nail biting contest between Wes Moore and Josh Shaprio with Shapiro narrowly coming out on top. Shapiro the next day appointed Wes Moore to be his running mate in the general election.

Josh Shapiro is known for his bipartisan pragmatism and term as Pennsylvania attorney general where he led the investigation into the Catholic Church minor sexual abuse scandel. In 2022, he won the Pennsylvania governor race by 15 points, the largest margin in the state's history. He was strongly considered as a running mate for Kamala Harris in 2024, but Minnisoda governor Tim Walz was chosen instead. Delegates at the convention were impressed by Team Shapiro's cogent and articulate speaking. Delegate Mohammed Badri stood out in the minds of the voters for his eloquent and effective defense in favor of his candidate. However delegates who were interviewed concentrated on perceived negatives for Moore rather than positives for Shapiro. One delegate said that they were voting for the “lesser of two evils.” Delegates didn't like the approach that Wes Moore’s team used. During Moore’s debate against Kamala Harris his team used multiple attacks that irked those delegates in the wrong way. They also called her a fascist which was a step too far for many of the DNC voters. 

In an interview with campaign staffers, delegates carefully laid out the priority areas of Governor Shapiro’s candidacy. These included pushing for bipartisan legislation and a pro-business fiscal attitude. They mentioned that they would cut corporate taxes similarly to what Shapiro did in his home state of Pennsylvania. They talked about mending the rift between the two parties. One staffer said that they wanted to“[make] Americans not scared of political views,” adding,“Everyone wants the best for people.” During our interview, we were able to ask the team about some of the more contentious aspects of Shapiro’s candidacy. When asked about how Shapiro would relate to young voters who are uncomfortable with the United States’ relationship with Israel, Shapiro whose first job in government was working in the Israeli embassy in D.C. began by emphasizing his faith as a Jewish man as he went on to lay out his support for a two-state solution, saying he has a long history in government of bringing people together as a “dealmaker.” The team however did not shy away from condemning the Israeli government with one senior delegate calling Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu a “War Criminal.” We also asked about the recent $295k settlement his office agreed to over a Sexual assault claim filed in 2017. Shapiro has faced personal criticism over the case, and the National Women’s Defense League said in a statement that “Shapiro should have done more in response” when asked, his office had no comment. 

Friday night the election for vice president was held. The DNC was deciding between Boston Mayor Michell Wu, Kentucky Governor Andy Beshear, Maryland governor Wes Moore, billionaire businessman Mark Cuban, and former secretary of commerce Gina Raimondo. In the first vote, Gina Raimondo and Michelle Wu were eliminated from contention. Then, with the last three candidates, a rank choice vote was held. Mark Cuban was initially in the lead, but after Andy Beshear was eliminated, Wes Moore emerged as the front runner with the runoff votes. After the election some DNC members were concerned about the committee's views. “This whole committee hates women,” said Danielle Blake. This is after two women were passed up for the presidential nomination and two more were passed up for the vice presidential nomination.

Breaking: National Economic Council Considers Invading Saudi Arabia, Iraq, and Iran

By: Sadie Linnick and Stella Viscioso

In an unprecedented turn of events, the National Economic Council is considering military action against Saudi Arabia, Iran, and Iraq as the United States grapples with a devastating solar flare crisis. The solar flare has rendered multiple crucial satellites unusable, leading to widespread disruptions in communications, GPS systems, power grids, reliable internet access, and aviation operations. 

With the US facing a severe energy shortage due to the crisis, NEC officials proposed the Bill to Save America, which states that the United States should “take the opportunity to invade Saudi Arabia to secure energy infrastructure.” In an exclusive interview, Deputy Administrator of the Small Business Administration Bill Briggs revealed that he believes “it’s important to invade foreign countries while America has the chance, we need to capitalize off of this crisis.”

This proposal, however, has sparked fierce debate within the council. Critics of the bill argue that an invasion of sovereign nations would provoke significant geopolitical backlash and possibly escalate into a full scale global conflict. Additionally, with communication systems heavily affected, military operations could face challenges in coordination and intelligence gathering. 

As the crisis unfolds, the world watches anxiously, uncertain whether the U.S. will choose diplomacy or war in its desperate bid to recover from the solar flare catastrophe.

Breaking News: President's daughter MURDERED by “wizards”

By: Clotilde Monville, Tara Nyima, Taylor Goodspeed, Nathan Neville, Reid Davidson, Charlotte Ferriolo

Around 10AM on Saturday, United States President Richard Kingston announced that his daughter was the alleged victim of a successful attempt assassination, which unfortunately ended in her death. It was revealed by the “wizards” themselves that this event was originally planned as a prank. But, was it really just “a prank?”

These so-called “wizards” have been hiding in the dark for centuries, so why have they just now decided to reveal their secret identities? 

Many of the “wizards” seemed to believe that the president was lying about his daughter's death. They continually claimed that they wanted to align their values with those of non-wizards, but at the same time, refused to share any information about future plans. One of the ministry members sternly stated that she did not support President Kingston and his claims and disliked many of his policies and interests, such as the act to ban the use of the word “muggle.” This proves that the “wizards” are not our friends but our foes. They claim to want to be a part of our world and co-exist; however, they refuse to ban a word that prominently segregates the wizards from the non-wizards. These “wizards” claim to want peace but the statements made during an interview with their administration constantly contradicted the idea of unity. 

When asked about why they have stayed hidden for so long, a worker from the Ministry of Magic claimed that the committee had major concerns about how “lesser humans” would react to their existence. Continuing to press them, it is interesting how they respond to the media’s concerns for the people. As many of the “wizards” would state, “This committee will not be speaking on that” to respectable questions. This shows a lack of respect and trust for humans simply trying to understand these so-called “wizards,” and it is not being reciprocated.

DNC IN SHAMBLES AFTER WORLD-WIDE BLACKOUT CRISIS

By: Kylie Hall and Zara Asim

The world has gone technologically dark due to a solarflare that the DNC states couldn't have been prevented in any way. 

On February 22, a “never seen before” international crisis that has “ravaged the global economy and global security,” according to DNC member Henry Treen, made its way to the United States. Although as of now the problem has yet to be resolved, and services are still down, the DNC is currently undergoing the process of coming up with whatever solutions possible to this national catastrophe. 

“We need to get power back into the hospitals, we need to get this country back up and running. This is—this is so bad,” an anonymous DNC member went on record to say.

In an attempt to combat this crisis, the DNC has written up a promising resolution to address the complications and civil unrest due to the solar flare, which they stressed was the first motion of concern, known as The Stability and Protection of Government Act, (T.S. P.O.G. Act). The T.S. P.O.G. Act will mainly focus on advocating for the allocation of funds for the military and the National Guard, that way they can move back in and secure order into cities. The DNC states that after re-gaining authority over the public, it will make it much easier to work on critical infrastructure and to bring everything back online.

When asked if the DNC had any words for the public during this time of uncertainty in an attempt to give America a source of comfort, they expressed to “stay calm and let the government do its job.”

Bizarre Senate Questioning of 12 Year Old Tik Tok addict; Is this what we're spending our tax money on?

Written by: Sadie Linnick and Stella Vicioso

In a shocking display of priorities, the Senate Intelligence Committee called in an unexpected witness, a 12 year old TikTok addict, to testify about the platform’s influence on young Americans. The hearing, seemingly focused on national security concerns surrounding TikTok’s Chinese ownership, quickly devolved into a strange exchange between American lawmakers and the child.

The anonymous 12 year old, who was called as a witness despite having no formal expertise on the subject, provided the straightforward opinion: “One thing I do know, I love TikTok so much, it’s my favorite app.” Instead of engaging in productive conversation about data privacy or influencing algorithms, some senators took the opportunity to lecture the child on his internet habits. 

A senator from Pennsylvania offered the child should try “touching grass,” an internet phrase used to suggest someone needs to get offline. Meanwhile, Senator Marco Rubio took (R-FL) a more combative approach, telling the child, “You’ve been brainwashed by China,” before asking, “Do you enjoy Chinese food?” 

The strange line of questioning left observers questioning the purpose of the hearing. While concerns about TikTok’s ties to China and its potential risks have been a major topic of discussion in Washington, many believe grilling a middle schooler added little to the conversation. 

“Huzz isn’t just buzz, it’s what Portugal needs to survive” - United Kingdom USAID Representative

By: Zara Asim, Evie Meagher, Sadie Linnick, Val Albouze 

A catastrophic earthquake has devastated Portugal leaving the nation’s infrastructure in ruins just days before its scheduled presidential election. The disaster, one of the worst in the country’s history, has overwhelmed emergency response teams, forcing the sitting president to make a desperate plea for international aid.

In an emotional display, Portugal’s president traveled to the United States Agency for International Development, sobbing profusely as she begged for assistance. The destruction has rendered Portuguese emergency workers virtually powerless, as hospitals, roads, and communication networks have been demolished.

A liaison from the United Kingdom has introduced the Huzz Resolution, a plan aimed at maintaining democratic stability while addressing the dire humanitarian crisis. The resolution proposes the continuation of the presidential election through mobile voting systems deployed across the country, the urgent training of new emergency responders, employing aid workers from the European Union and the United Kingdom to provide medical and humanitarian services.To ensure efficient a distribution the resolution also recommends using United States military vehicles to navigate the devastated areas.

As Portugal grapples with this unprecedented disaster, the fate of its presidential election and the nation’s recovery, now hinges on rapid international cooperation and a successful implementation of policy.

Navigating Peace in the South China Sea

By: Reid Davidson & Nathan Neville 

The South China Sea is a staple of international trade, agriculture, and security. The South China Sea contains an area of over 3.5 million square kilometers, making it a significant trade route, resulting in half of global shipping passing through these waters. In the year 2016 alone, 3.4 trillion goods passed through the sea. Additionally, the South China Sea feeds millions of people who earn a livelihood based on its rich marine resources to survive, and 8 percent of the world's commercial fishery production. The area is also known for its extensive fossil fuel deposits, with immense petroleum and natural gas reserves. As critical as it is, the South China Sea finds itself at the center of strained border conflicts, most notably with China, which tends to oppose neighboring states such as Taiwan, Vietnam, and the Philippines. It is vital to promoting peace and stability within the region of the South China Sea as it is the backbone of world economic security and international peace. 

The Holistic Action of the Watch and Knowing (HAWK Tuah) bill was brought forward to hasten the demilitarization of the South China Sea by appealing to China to withdraw its military personnel from the region. This bill was a reaction to growing safety issues raised across the UN, signaling the need for established rules regarding military presence in these waters. The bill seeks to supplement the UN's broader agenda of deterring rule-breaking and fostering peaceful relations among nations. All member nations of the United Nations would finance the law and surveillance of the sea would be conducted by spy drones to ensure that there would be no military presence. Violating states, such as China, would be prohibited for a year from engaging in any form of trade within the South China Sea. Some nations such as Korea and Panama were apprehensive about the security risks involved in employing surveillance drones, while China was worried about sovereignty in the region. Greece supported the bill, however, agreeing that demilitarization would have a positive impact on international relations. A UK amendment also clarified the consequences of military occupation, including trade sanctions and withdrawal of United Nations funding, making it more feasible to enact the bill’s objectives. 

After the United States sent the HAWK Tuah Bill for international consultation, President Donald Trump expressed his individual opinions, eager to make it clear he wasn't on the line for China's economy. He argued that overall, this issue was not something the United States was concerned with. The United States will not be providing help with any of the financial problems of the Hawk Tuah Bill. President Trump wasn't afraid to express his dislike for China. Trump went on to say that he spoke for all the other countries as well. Shortly after, a South Chinese Sea native complained to President Trump. The native who works as an independent fisherman, complained about the recent problems of monitoring and too much traffic steering the fish in the wrong direction. That is how the fisherman makes a living and supports his family. President Trump again was quick to give his take. President Trump stated, "It's not my responsibility." Since Trump intervened in the bill's discussions, the US has witnessed the US being pulled out of this war. 

To seal the introduction and verdict of this bill by the majority of other countries, the HAWK Tuah bill was passed by the majority of United Nations member states. This bill ensures the demilitarization of the South China Sea and further strengthens the economic stability of border communities in the South China Sea.

BREAKING NEWS: REPORTER FOUND DEAD WHILE IN WITNESS PROTECTION AFTER ARTICLE IS PUBLISHED REGARDING POLITICAL SCANDAL

Authors: Kylie Hall and Norma Sarofiem

“Fidelity, Bravery, and Integrity.” This is the motto upheld by the Federal Bureau of Investigation, yet they refuse to tell the full truth of what happened to reporter Sarah Coulburn while she was under their witness protection program.

On February 21, 2025 at 1:59 PM, news reporter Sarah Coulburn was seen walking with witness protection into an FBI interrogation room , where she gave her statement regarding a top secret, high-risk case involving a well known political figure known by the alias of  “Nighthawk.” Shortly after this, it is reported that Sarah Coulburn was  found dead by means of homicide.

On April 2, 2023, Coulburn stated she had received an anonymous tip and has given documents regarding this case, revealing that “Nighthawk” was secretly using his political status to help companies secure government contracts in return for bribe money. However, Coulburn withheld this information for 48 hours in fear that the leak of information would be traced back to her and result in harm. This fear was justified, as shortly after Coulburn came forward with this information, she reported spotting a black Sedan with a covered license plate following her whereabouts, and her apartment building was forcefully broken into and ransacked.

In an interview conducted with Special Agent Winfrey, she encourages the public by stating, “If you see something… if you know something… please come forward with information. Know that you will be protected by the FBI if you choose to help with our endeavors.” This same agent then reports that Coulburn, their lead source of information, was found dead by means of poison hours after leaving their interrogation while under their witness protection program. 

Hours before her death, reporters spotted Coulburn walking alongside multiple bodyguards before promptly being escorted off the premises by security.

“Where is Sarah Coulburn now?” asked one of our reporters after returning to the place where Coulburn was last seen.

”She is dead,” FBI Agent Alami said. 

Shortly after revealing this information, Reporter Hall pushed for more answers, demanding how the FBI failed to protect their very own witness, protesting that the American people deserve answers.

“But also remember she’s a reporter too. If you speak, you know where you’re headed.” Agent Winfrey threatened Reporter Hall, turning this article from a matter of information release to a matter of safety concern. 

Who can the people rely on if their very own Federal Bureau fails to protect their citizens? 

Trial of Fraternity Hazing Death Ends in Acquittal, Sparking Debate on College Initiation Practices

By: Reid Davidson & Nathan Neville

After a stressful deliberation Thursday night, Brian Kiersten was deemed not guilty of involuntary manslaughter concerning the death of Matthew McKenzie. In the case of United States v. Brian Kiersten, the government sought to indict Bryan for involuntary manslaughter in connection with the death of Matthew McKenzie, a member of the Phi Kappa Rho fraternity at the University of Minnesota. McKenzie died after he endured a form of water torture fraternity hazing, in which he was "forced” to consume a gallon of water in an hour with no break. The leader of the fraternity, Brian Kiersten, was the person who plotted and organized the hazing. He assured the jury that the tradition came with several rules and regulations, and in the 20 years the fraternity had carried out the water torture, nobody had been severely injured. 

Chad Robertson, a junior at the University of Minnesota and a Phi Kappa Rho fraternity member, was called as a witness for the prosecution. He was requested to speak about his involvement in the water torture and the events following McKenzie's injury. Chad was not at the hazing itself but had been there earlier during the day. He informed the court that McKenzie, who was already drunk from drinking alcohol, willingly subjected himself to the water torture on his own accord and without any coercion from Brian. Chad, Brian's friend since freshman year, spoke on behalf of Brian's character, assuring the court that he would never jeopardize his fraternity brothers' safety for anything. 

University of Minnesota sophomore Jacob Johnson described a disturbing event from his fall 2023 pledge experience to Phi Kappa Rho. He detailed the "Water Torture" event on September 10, in which pledges were forced to drink large amounts of water for incorrect responses to trivia questions. It turned nearly fatal when McKenzie lost consciousness after consuming huge amounts of water and was forced to go on despite having vomited. Johnson described the activity as dangerous and called for a halt to hazing activities. In response to questioning by prosecutors, he stated that he never felt his life was in danger and stated that all pledges knew of the potential danger that might be involved in the activities. Ultimately, the jury found Brian Kiersten not guilty of involuntary manslaughter.

The defense managed to persuade the jury to rule in their favor. Defense attorney James Bylinsky, speaking about the case, stated, "You can't put complete faith in a college student." The jury's verdict concluded a case that drew attention to the danger inherent in fraternity hazing rituals. 

Although the prosecution was not able to meet its burden of proof, the case has still generated arguments about the ethical limits of college initiation rituals and the accountability of leaders.

BREAKING NEWS: Top Secret FBI Operation Code Switch Leaked

Written by: Endurance Nkeh and Kaitlyn Bendon

Journalist Sarah Colburn was found murdered. Following a previous article "Journalist Under Attack: Who is Night Hawk?," journalist Sarah Colburn was found murdered after her encounter with an unknown congressperson under the alias “Night Hawk.” Colburn worked as a journalist at Sentinel Press, where she reported a money laundering scheme to the Federal Bureau of Investigation. Colburn received threats from Night Hawk, who has now been revealed to be a Republican Congresswoman. Although the identity of the congresswoman remains unknown, this lead proves promising for the FBI. 

The FBI also found that Night Hawk has made mysterious purchases using government funds in multiple states, including New York. As mentioned in the previous article, Colburn reported that a car was trailing her after she informed the FBI. She stated that the car was either a Sedan or a Tahoe. It has now been confirmed that the model of the car used to trail Colburn was a Tahoe; license plates remain unknown. 

An informant who works at UNC is currently protected by the FBI and their identity remains unknown. The informant revealed that Colburn was murdered, and an autopsy revealed that the cause of death was poison. Through their investigation, the FBI discovered that Congresswoman “Night Hawk” is receiving bribes from an unknown source. As the case of money laundering now progresses to a murder investigation, the pressing questions still remain: Who is Night Hawk? Who are they receiving bribes from and why? 

Information was obtained from an official FBI document.

Op-Ed: Super Shapiro

By: Mohammed Badri

Josh Shapiro is the ideal candidate to become the next President of the United States. His experience in government reform, economic growth, and ensuring the freedom of Americans makes him perfect for the job, especially in a political environment where the citizens of the United States want real change and development.

Though some voters may have concerns over his lack of foreign policy experience and his bipartisanship, he has demonstrated expertise and interest in the former. He has also used his bipartisanship to listen to the American people and represent them as best as he can.

Josh Shapiro began his career in politics by working hard and gaining experience in the field. From a young age, Shapiro valued learning, history, and making change. He wrote letters to rabbis, took visits to Israel, and aimed to gain a greater understanding of the world’s demands. This leadership experience and connection to the public have carried over into his professional career and, soon, into the White House.

Shapiro has seen success on every front. After earning his Juris Doctor from Georgetown Law Center, he worked as a congressional staffer—someone who has slowly climbed the ranks to become a relatable figure to the American people, symbolizing the beautiful American right to climb classes and pave your own way. Shapiro was elected to the Pennsylvania House of Representatives in 2004, became Attorney General in 2016, and Governor in 2022. In each of these positions, he improved education, credit scores, livelihoods of citizens, and public spaces. Governor Shapiro famously fixed the I-95 collapse in just nine days, for which he received national praise. Standardized test scores have improved, the people’s wallets have gotten fatter, and his approval ratings are sky-high.

Shapiro will make the nation better. He will utilize fiscal policy to benefit all classes, not just corporate elites while ensuring companies still maintain profits. Democrats like to say people over profit, but why not have both?! As J. Cole says, “You act like two legends cannot coexist”—a quote that will be hanging in the White House if he is elected. His bipartisanship is a huge advantage, as he encompasses more of the views of mainstream voters than extreme candidates. Some may criticize him for his bipartisanship, but I believe that making deals is a skill, not a fault. He is rooted in Democratic core values and has strong stances on abortion and corporate accountability. Josh Shapiro fights for me, for you, for America, and he will change this nation for the better.

Op-Ed: Josh Shapiro is the Only Choice

By: Neil Rai, West Wing Committee/DNC

Josh Shapiro eased through the DNC nomination with his experience and sturdier platform, seeing him past less secure candidates. He built trust and morale in Pennsylvania, the most crucial swing state in the country.

He can certainly repeat that feat in the general election—he has swung the pendulum in Pennsylvanian Republicans’ approval, and he shows so much potential to earn this respect in swing states, which Kamala could not do.

He has a reputation as a reasonable, bipartisan dealmaker while not sacrificing his platform on education, economy, and infrastructure in the least.

With his extensive political experience in the House, as County Commissioner, as Attorney General, and now as Governor, he has never failed to achieve his goals productively in a political position, and there is no reason to believe the presidency will be the first to disrupt this pattern.

As president, Shapiro will bring our country back on track, away from the instability of Trump and the negligence of Biden. American jobs will be created, the economy will be stabilized, and morale will be higher than in recent memory.

Shapiro understands every level of government—not as a celebrity in office, but as a man who can make tangible change for our people.

Game Over: Hillside Valley Charter High School Found Guilty of Tennis Star’s Death

Written by: Endurance Nkeh and Kaitlyn Bendon

The jury has come up with a verdict regarding the controversial case over the death of 11th-grade student Genesis Hernandez. Following up on a previous article, “Game, Set, Tragedy: Tennis Star’s Death Sparks Doping Scandal at Local High School”, the jury has found Hillside Valley Charter High School guilty of the death of the rising tennis star. 

During his previous testimony, the varsity tennis coach admitted to not tolerating laziness and pushing his athletes to their limits. After Hernandez’s death, Blazer admitted to athletic director Simon Valdez that he suspected that her death had to do with performance-enhancing drugs. Blazer also admitted that coaches are required to report complaints if they have evidence, however, they are also allowed to open a formal investigation at their discretion. The question now begs as to why varsity coach Derek Blazer did not open a formal investigation after receiving two complaints from both a concerned parent and a concerned teammate regarding the use of performance-enhancing drugs on the tennis team. 

Athletic Director Simon Valdez was also put on the stand, and as the prosecution cross-examined him, he stated that Hernandez’s mother, Katarina Hernandez went to him with the same complaint of PED usage on the tennis team. He had the ability to open a formal investigation but he did not. Even after Hernandez’s death, the high school has not updated its policies regarding PED use. 

Mia Thompson, the Chief Education Officer of the County, stated that the workshop designed for freshmen at the beginning of their high school journey could have given students the knowledge needed to inject certain performance-enhancing drugs. Simon Valdez, the school’s athletic director, backed up this statement. Student-athletes were only required to do this workshop once at the beginning of their freshman year of high school. The workshop not only taught these students how to inject certain PEDs such as Boldenone, the same PED found in the body of Hernandez, but also gave them extensive knowledge of steroids.

Thompson stated on the stand that there were “No prior incidents at the high school regarding PED usage.” Despite this fact, the school had no preventative measures in place for PED usage. Thompson also stated that the school’s policies could have done more such as requiring drug testing or semester-long modules on PED usage. However, the school’s policies reflected those of the county and nothing more.

Throughout the case, the defense stated that the blame for Hernandez’s death should go to the family because the deceased’s own mother did not notice the symptoms of PED use in her child. Hernandez was on track to be recruited by her top-choice university, Stanford, with a full-ride scholarship. Hernandez was one of three children to a single mother and her family did play a part in her death by not noticing the signs and not pushing the school to open an investigation. The negligence of the school exceeded the negligence of the family. As the jury passed their verdict, justice for tennis star Genesis Hernandez was finally realized.